Of Thriving and Grace

Over the weekend I hit a post-holiday slump. With the end of our break in sight and the return of normal patterns and routines looming, I was suddenly tired and discouraged. I've noticed that the dreading is often worse than the reality... perhaps because in my crazy mixture of thoughts and emotions I forget to factor in God's grace. And His fingerprints... His mercies... they are always there.
This morning I was up as the sun was rising to read and savor the silence before getting the boys out the door. And I read, "My food," said Jesus, "is to do the will of Him who sent me..." John 4:34. "My food," he says, "my food." Jesus thrived on doing His father's will. My prayer is that I will thrive in doing the Father's will as I carry out His daily callings... His will. And that in the thriving, my life will well-up full with life-giving, grace-filled, merciful living water.
For from His fulness we have all received, grace upon grace. John 1:16

In Part

The daffodils sitting on the table, all lively and bright, caught my eye in the winter-morning sun. I reached for the camera and snapped a few shots, focusing on the details... happy, yellow blooms, amazingly green stems, curly gray moss, and earthy clay pot. I loved it all. But, it wasn't until I downloaded the photos a day later that I saw the whole picture, and in the seeing I was reminded...

In this crippled world of trials and pain intermingled with beauty and blessing we seldom see the big, beautiful picture that the Father is creating. But in His loving grace, He tenderly gives us a precious reminder... "Take heart," He whispers, "I'm doing more than you can see, more than you can imagine. Trust me, dear one. I know your heart." One day I will fully see... and fully know... just as He fully knows little, broken, wondering me right now. Therein lies the comfort and the hope and the grace.

Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

1 Corinthians 13:12b

A Still December

Last December as I was doing some last minute Christmas shopping, I found, buried in a jumble of drugstore stocking stuffers, some little bags of hard candy. It was the old fashioned kind that comes in a rainbow of jewel tones and has a glossy finish... the pretty kind that our grandmothers kept in glass candy dishes in their living rooms. I promptly bought a bag for a dollar and tucked it into the toe of the professor's stocking on Christmas Eve for the sake of awakening the same sweet memories and smiles in him that finding the candy had done for me. On Christmas morning he smiled, and we filled his grandmother's old candy dish. This year, on the day after Thanksgiving, we shopped for candy.
Our fall has been more hectic than usual... In late August, when the boys and the professor went back to school, Sister and I headed off to preschool together. Several mornings a week since then she has delighted in partaking in the joys of preschool while I have delighted in teaching my own little flock three and four year olds. The opportunity has been a joy and a challenge, a blessing and a transition for me and for our family.
As our schedule has been more full in recent months than in years past, I've been learning to better seek and recognize and guard and savor life's quiet, simple moments. None of us have lives that are filled with only peaceful tea and candy moments. I'm coming to understand that the beautiful, simple moments are ever-present, recognizing and savoring them depends on my mindset and my priorities.
We read our first advent reading tonight as a family. As all five of us prepare to return to our normal school-day routines in the morning this evening's advent-hush was an appropriate way to end our recent days of Thanksgiving celebrations, Christmas candy shopping, and college football craziness. On this, the first day of advent, I find my heart yearning a for a still December. My prayer is that during this advent season I will seek and recognize, and guard and savor the beautiful still, still moments as they come. Keeping silence... isn't this where worship begins?
Let all mortal flesh keep silence, and with fear and trembling stand; ponder nothing earthly-minded, for with blessing in His hand, Christ our God to earth descendeth, our full homage to demand. verse one, "Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence"

So Great a Nearness

My fifth nephew made his entrance into the world this week. And we were aflutter with smiles and excitement. And now, we have another to love. In addition to life's regular rhythm we added hospital visits and extra baking, special errands and newborn cuddles to our activities. This is our first local nephew/cousin and we're enjoying the nearness. A sweet week indeed!
While I made cinnamon muffins to deliver to the new family of three, Sister sat in the kitchen and drew a picture for me. It's title, she informed me, is, "Lollipops in Rain" which sounds perfectly lovely to me. I thought of her bright lollipops in the rain this morning when I awoke to fog. The autumn leaves, so colorful and bright against the wet, gray, Novembery canvas of our street.
We scurried around today with grocery shopping and errands. And, there was dinner to deliver to babyland. I crammed clementines into a brown paper sack, tied it with ribbon, and nestled it among our  other goodies. Clementines on a damp fall day, with their sunny taste and smell, make me happy.
And, these words from Morning and Evening by Charles Spurgeon made my heart smile, like Sister's lollipops. I'm reminded that no matter the circumstances His nearness is great and intimate...
"Here, indeed, we have a theme for marveling. Heaven and earth may well be astonished that rebels should obtain so great a nearness to the heart of infinite love as to be written upon the palms of His hands. "I have graven thee." It does not say, "Thy name." The name is there, but that is not all: "I have graven thee." See the fulness of this! I have graven thy person, thine image, thy case, thy circumstances, thy sins, thy temptations, thy weaknesses, thy wants, thy works; I have graven thee, everything about thee, all that concerns thee; I have put thee altogether there. Wilt thou ever say again that thy God hath forsaken thee when He has graven thee upon His own palms."

Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands. 

Isaiah 49:16 

January Portraits

   
I'll be honest, these portraits weren't intentional. It was a school night. The professor was at a meeting. It had been a long afternoon and evening of homework and noise and dirty dishes. I should have been tucking them into bed, but Sister's bath-damp curls captivated me and I wanted to capture them. The next thing I knew, all three children were taking their turn sitting in the lamplight on top of a chest of drawers {I know, what a studio!} while I snapped away.
At the end of this year I think it will be neat for us to look back and remember what they looked like at the beginning of the year. Children change so much over a span of twelve months!
And beyond what I can see in these photos, I want to remember that Big Brother is kind and diligent and adventurous and curious. Little Brother is chatty and happy and cautious and creative. Sister is busy and social and affectionate and fun. I pray that I will guide them with faithfulness and grace this year. For these eyes, these smiles, these hearts... for of such is the kingdom of heaven.

Quiet Days

These quiet days are good. It's what I need. Thank you for being patient with me. The intensity of the Spirit's conviction on my heart, of day to day life, and the noise of the internet {along with an insane amount of spam that I was receiving in the comments} got the best of me. But, broken and quiet places are good... for seeking Him and for listening to the Spirit's whisper.
About two weeks before we moved I perused Sister's meager fall and winter wardrobe, decided that she needed some things, and told myself, "After we move I'll make her some cute little a-line jumpers that she can wear over leggings and turtlenecks." I even looked at fabric. What was I thinking? We were moving! I finally pulled out my sewing machine this week, and {sort of} made a dress for myself. In the meantime, Sister's wardrobe has rounded out nicely thanks to the generosity of friends and grandmothers. It's always so sweet for me to see how God provides for us and clothes us like lilies.
I've been thinking a lot about spiritual gifts and talents and how to use them, and day to day ministry, and true community, and how it all fits together, and where I fit into all of it. Obedience is what is most impressed on my heart right now. And, love. And stewardship... of time, of desires, of priorities.
I'll keep thinking and listening, and, by His grace, I'll be obedient with gratefulness for all that is today.

This and That

Well, hello. Somewhere between soccer games, settling into the new house, endless laundry, dinner preparations, homework, and a mischeivious two year old, the daily rhythm of this blog has been interrupted with life... which isn't a bad thing!
On Saturday morning we bicycled to the art museum for a birthday party of sorts; nine years of having this beautiful place in our community. The morning was breezy and cool and golden; a perfect October day. There were art activities for the kids, the gallery was open for browsing, and there was an abundance of cupcakes; we came home sugared up and toting new masterpieces in paint stained fingers. It was a delightful outing, although Sister did swipe an extra cupcake.

Speaking of birthday parties, I'm always looking for cute and inexpensive birthday party gift ideas that encourage creativity. I spotted this Friendship Bracelet Kit idea ages ago and knew it would be perfect for a ten year old girl. I assembled this kit for $7.00 and am thrilled to know that I can do it for $4.50 if I package the thread in a clear cellophane bag rather than in a box. The birthday girl loved it!

The professor made our first official improvement to the house... a new exterior light fixture to suit the mid century architecture. It's a very small first step on a long journey, but exciting nonetheless.

On the eve of my birthday last week we had a family fondue dinner party. Quite appropriate for the first birthday celebrated in the boogie house, wouldn't you say?! It was so much fun! Best Fondue was a great resource for tips and recipes because we were rather clueless.

And now, I'll finish with dessert. The professor ordered a lavish lemon-vanilla cake for my birthday. Somehow, somewhere he tracked down a British lady in town who bakes the most divine cakes. Without a doubt, this was the most amazing cake experience I have ever had.
Did you know that benediction means "good words"? These are the good words we received at worship on Sunday after a wonderful sermon on the peace we can have in Christ during painful times. These verses made my soul sing because I was reminded that He knows my trials and has allowed them, and He will give me the grace to endure and grow... From now on, let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit, brothers and sisters. Amen. Galatians 6:17-18

First Light

The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn,
shining ever brighter till the full light of day.
Proverbs 4:18

A Kiss and A Prayer

I pray for you on your birthday, that your path, as is promised to the just man, will shine not less and less but more and more...

~Elisabeth Elliot

A New Year

Calmly we look behind us,

on joys and sorrows past,

We know that all is mercy now,

and shall be well at last;

Calmly we look before us --

we fear no future ill,

Enough for safety and for peace

if Thou art with us still.

Jane Borthwick

In this new year...

O Father as You

did with Moses,

make all Your goodness

pass before us,

proclaim the name of the

Lord before us,

be gracious unto us and

show us compassion.

A.C. Dixon

A Blessing

Summer vacation has melted away.

This evening we were busy setting out school clothes and stuffing food into lunchboxes.

Tomorrow morning will be an early one. First grade begins.

My little schoolboy said, "Mommy, I'm excited about first grade, but I'm afraid I'll get frustrated."

The professor quoted Churchill to him, "Never, ever, ever, ever give up."

He was whispering those words to himself as I tucked him under the covers.

"Sing 'the Lord bless you and keep you' song," he said.

And so, I did...

The Lord bless you and keep you,

The Lord make His face shine upon you,

And give you peace,

And give you peace,

And give you peace forever.

May

"Lo, the flowery month is come! March winds and April showers have done their work and the earth is all bedecked with beauty. Come my soul, put on thine holiday attire and go forth to gather garlands of heavenly thoughts...

In Jesus I find not only fragrance, but a bed of spices; not one flower, but all manner of sweet flowers. He is to me my rose and my lily, my heartsease and my cluster of camphire.

When He is with me it is May all the year round, and my soul goes forth to wash her happy face in the morning-dew of His grace, and to solace herself with the singing of the birds of His promises.

Precious Lord Jesus, let me in very deed know the blessedness which dwells in abiding, unbroken fellowship with Thee."

from Morning and Evening by Charles H. Spurgeon

Morning Comfort

Early morning, I am contemplating and praying. One who is dear to me faces fresh affliction.

My eyes fall on a reference cited by Spurgeon... hands turn pages... my Father tenderly reminds me of His promise, comfort and renewal in the midst of suffering.

My wayward heart is afflicted, yet the cross and mercy give me hope. There are others who are afflicted in heart and flesh... His promise will comfort all suffering.

Yes...

Your promise renews my life.

Psalm 119:50

In this broken world full of broken hearts, broken bodies, broken spirits, all of creation groans...

But, with His help and by His grace each of us can...
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:12

Thinking Eternally

Today I was sharply reminded that life's circumstances often change in an instant... so does my outlook unless it is fixed on what is eternal.

As much as I delight in a morning that is filled with sunlight, I hope that my heart always desires to bask more in the neverending light and glory of the Son. While I love being at home and I enjoy the material blessings that He has given me, I pray that I will ever remember that better is one day in His courts than thousands elsewhere.

{Photos: morning sunlight in my house, today and yesterday}

Listen

At times He leads me to a place where the only thing I can do is take one step... the next step... in faith. There is no seeing ahead: I am walking an unknown path.

I have been there before. I am there now. No doubt, I will be there again. In the past I have prayed, "Lord, show me Your will... guide me... direct my path."

This I have learned... He will. He is my Shepherd, He has promised me this, He will not fail to do so.

There have been times, many I am sure, when He spoke gently to my heart but I missed His whisper, deaf by my own fears and opinions and plans. 

My prayer today is simply,

"Father, help me to listen to Your voice and heed Your direction."

After all, He has shown me...

what is good

what I should seek

whom I should love.

Now, I must listen...

Nevertheless I am continually with You;

You have taken hold of my right hand.

With Your counsel You will guide me,

And afterward receive me to glory.

Psalm 73:23-24

Grace and Gratitude

Grace and gratitude belong together like heaven and earth.
Grace evokes gratitude like the voice of an echo.
Gratitude follows grace as thunder follows lightning.
~Karl Barth

I'm learning that the process of growing in the knowledge of God's grace is also an exercise in cultivating an ever increasing measure of gratitude to Him.

While my understanding and humble gratefulness will never equal the depths of His abundant grace... may it ever deepen, may my gratitude to Him ever abound, and may my life refect it.

Heart Whispers

Four a.m. I've just calmed a frightened little one. He sleeps peacefully now. I, however, am wide awake. With wakefulness my heart is flooded with troubled, anxious thoughts.

Growing up is hard, there is no denying it, but no one warned me about the heaviness a mother's heart feels as she watches her own children encounter growing pains. Night fears are easily soothed away, other struggles... well, not so much.

I sit in the dark, unable to sleep. I am shadowed with anxiousness... and a lack of faith. I begin to confide in Him, the One who calls me by name.

As the eastern sun peeks over the rooftops and treetops, as golden rays gently shine through morning windows He begins to whisper to my heart. In love He reminds me...

...that He is faithful and true

...that He loves my boys more deeply than I do

...that He designed them with a purpose and plan

...that He holds them in the palm of His hand

...that He is close to those who are crushed in spirit

...that He remembers

His whisper enlivens and soothes my weary, worrisome mother-heart. Indeed, His compassions are new every morning.

As the day dawns I sense His presence and I move forward in faith to embrace this good day, praying that I will be ever sensitive to listen to the ever present Spirit.

Jehovah-Rapha

It is confounding, a child seemingly on the mend from a simple cold and ear infection becomes gravely ill in just a matter of days.

Pneumonia, a ruptured appendix, bowel obstruction, and severe sepsis... this was the situation that our dear friends faced this past weekend as they tried to comfort their inconsolable 22-month-old daughter in the ER, through a battery of medical tests, during an ambulance transport, at the children's hospital.

And now, their world is turned on end... critical care unit... tubes and monitors... physical and emotional pain... exhaustion... upcoming surgery. They wait at the hospital, sitting at their daughter's side when possible, consulting with doctors {sometimes in the middle of the night}, waiting anxiously to see what the next blood draw will reveal. The situation is very serious but they are not without hope.

Today {as through the weekend} many saints, known and unknown, near and far, are beseeching God, our Jehovah-Rapha -- the Lord that heals, to preserve the life of this precious little girl and to restore her health. We have faith...

"But for you who fear My name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings..." Malachi 4:2

My Heart, Pierced

Therefore, although in Christ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, yet I appeal to you on the basis of love…

Philemon 8-9a

"Hurry up!" "Be quiet!" "Put on your shoes!" "Clean up this room!" "Why did you do that?!" "What were you thinking?!"

It’s easy and, sadly, natural for me to order my little ones around... afterall, I am the mama. Often I find myself using a tone of condescension. How much better would it be, instead, to appeal to my children with love... to guide gently?

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
I Corinthians 13:1

I fear that all too often my voice and my words sound like a noisy gong and a clanging cymbal to little ears and tender hearts.

God, forgive me. My sons, forgive me.

And then, I remember the woman... the wife... the mother... of noble character.

She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. Proverbs 31:26

Father, will you refine your often harsh and thoughtless child? And, protect those whom You (and I) love from that which is so dangerous?

And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell. James 3:6

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.
Psalm 19:14

All emphasis to scripture added by me.

Let those that are united to me in tender ties

be precious in Thy sight and devoted to Thy glory.

Sanctify and prosper my domestic

devotion, instruction, discipline, example,

that my house may be a nursery for heaven,
my church the garden of the Lord,

enriched with trees of righteousness
of Thy planting,
for Thy glory

Amen

excerpt from "The Family" in The Valley of Vision