At the beginning of this year we were peacefully content with life's circumstances yet God began crafting a vision and a desire in our hearts for something different. Following His lead we began to pursue a new dream. We were passionate and prayerful in our pursuit, confident and excited. As we moved forward we encountered obstacles, small ones at first, then, doors that were open began to close. We grew baffled and tired.
This morning, in a quick note of update to a sweet and inquiring friend, I wrote, "My struggle continues to be in trying to discern God's purposes in where He has led us over the past four months {a journey that has seemingly taken us nowhere}. The professor reminds me that short of our own sanctification we may never know why."
Today, as I've contemplated my early morning thoughts and words, the questions that resound in my heart are very different... Who am I to question God's purposes when His word tells me that all His ways are good? Isn't His sanctifying work in me purpose enough? Why does my pride demand a larger or "better" explanation? Where is my gratitude?
The truth is... despite life's trials and difficult circumstances or, in my case, watching a vibrant dream fade... we are hemmed in by His hand, and there we find grace upon grace. Where grace is tasted and accepted, rather than questioned, certainly gratitude flourishes.
It's time for me grasp tightly to the hand that holds me, rather than cling to an idea that is, thus far, an unfulfilled dream. It's time to find the patterns of grace woven into a dream deferred... because I know the grace-patterns are there and all His ways are good.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Psalm 139:5-6
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