On Monday I hit my point of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion. After a rough night the morning got off to a bumpy start, the baby was fussy and wakeful, Little Brother was housebound and antsy because of the rain, and I was at my breaking point. I cried on and off all day.
Shortly after lunch Baby Sister dozed off so I quickly tucked Little Brother into bed for a nap while eagerly anticipating a nap of my own, except the baby had different ideas and started to cry just as a hush fell over the house. I scooped her up, quieted her, and we settled down on the couch, she and me all warm and limp, a pile of soft blankets and soft breathing... finally relaxed. Just as I was starting to drift off a certain little boy, who I thought was asleep, needed me, then the phone rang again and again, and then my school boy was home. Time for homework, time to nurse, time to fold laundry, time to think about dinner... no nap. The tears continued from time to time but the sun did come out late in the day bringing with it hope for a better night and a better tomorrow.
I've been thinking about the grace and strength that God gives for each day and I've decided that it's most certainly like manna, sufficient for that day, for that moment, but, just as the Israelites had to trust God daily for their portion of manna, future grace is also a matter of trusting for His provision. With God there are no rollover minutes; what He desires is complete dependence upon Him and He, in His love, is not afraid to put us in a dependent place even if it hurts.
Baby Sister slept much better after that hard day and the next morning my brain felt a little less fuzzy, my body a bit more energetic, my emotions had stabilized, and the sun was shining.
Last April everything changed in an instant for our family when my mother was unexpectedly diagnosed with stage two colon cancer after a routine colonoscopy. On May 5, 2009, she underwent major GI surgery and started down a rigorous path of recovery and treatment. Today, exactly one year after her surgery, we celebrate with praise and thanksgiving to God our Jehovah-Rapha... she has completed all of her one-year follow-up scans and tests and has been given a glowing health report!
Over the past twelve months there have been many times when her portion was a bitter cup, one that I certainly wouldn't have chosen for her, but through it all I have seen the Father reveal Himself in new and tangible ways. His grace, like manna, has been faithful and sustaining. I count it a privilege to have watched the Master Craftsman weave what I thought was a mantle of affliction into a beautiful tapestry of grace.
A cancer journey, a new baby... I've learned, and am learning again, that His grace is sufficient for me, His power is made perfect in weakness. Oh, that I may boast gladly about my weaknesses so that His power may rest on me. {2 Corinthians 12:9}
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